Why Me?

 

Why me?

This is a question which I’ve asked myself a lot over the years, I didn’t ask to be the way I am? I didn’t ask to face the obstacles I have to overcome every single day, I didn’t ask to “battle the system” I didn’t ask to “justify” myself – but it is what I’m faced with, constant questions, constant challenges that always link back to the same question “why me?”

I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason, decisions are made for a reason, paths in life are selected for a reason and I consider my personal situation to be no different. I was put up for adoption at birth, and I was initially fostered into the most loving and caring family you could ever have wanted to be a part of, we were always provided for, clothed and watered but that didn’t come without questions either.

My adoptive parents have always been open with me about my adoption and the circumstances which surrounded it, my adoptive mum actually had a child with severe disabilities himself, my brother Leon.

It helped a great deal having Leon to grow up around, even though he’s significantly older than me, I never felt like I was facing battles and challenges alone, I wasn’t the only child growing up who couldn’t play football with his friends, or who couldn’t play out in the snow, Leon was in the same boat too. We quickly discovered together that what he couldn’t do for himself, I could and vice-versa so we’ve always been a great partnership in that respect – and that continues to be the case to this day.

I am very grateful for having Leon to mould myself around and to learn from, we are polar opposites in many different ways, but we both face those same challenges and obstacles that come with living with cerebral palsy, so growing up, especially in my younger years, I felt that we both were able to relate to the various frustrations we’ve often felt over the years so that would often “soften” the blow for me.

What’s ironic though is “the system” or “the powers that be” (whichever way you would prefer to phrase it) don’t actually account for your feelings or emotions as an individual. Through my teenage years all of my friends were experiencing friendship, travelling, having sexual/intimate relationships – yet the likes of myself always seemed to “miss out” for various reasons (I’ll talk about the subjects above in more detail in the coming weeks)

Despite this, I knew that I had my own feelings and emotions and my own ambitions that I wanted to achieve and nothing has ever stopped me in my tracks. Sure, I have to pay carers in one form or another to wash and dress me, wipe my bottom, assist with my day to day needs and make me socially mobile, and sure I still fight with battling the system day in and day out but the reality is that regardless of the countless amounts of obstacles I have to overcome, the obscene amount of resistance I’m met with, the constant justifications year in and year out, I still have so much to be thankful for.

I am the way I am and nothing will ever change that, so the answer to “why me” in reality is simple.

“Love me or hate me – this is me” x

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